Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Autos Anonymous

I think ‘autos anonymous’ is one of the best fraternities on the Bangalore Campus. The induction process is extremely trying. The different tasks that must be mastered by all the ‘newbies’ involve cursing, fighting, breaking traffic rules, absolute disregard for the meter system, the art of spitting and also, shouting loudly into a telephonic device while occasionally yelling at passersby, other vehicle owners and animals on the road. Once you have mastered these death defying feats, you will be initiated into this elite club and accorded a certain rank or standing. This rank will determine which area you are allowed to ‘hang out’ or ‘cruise’ in and also, your base to which you will return after a certain degree of cruising or hanging out. The base area really gives you a sense of belonging. Everyone looks like you, shouts as loudly as you and rallies together to support you if, any ‘ordinary person’ should attempt to insult you by asking you to adhere to the standards of your meter. Ordinary people are not aware that acceptance is the first step to a healthy overall state of being and you, as a privileged member of AA, have accepted the commonly known fact that meters are ornamental devices that must never be touched. You have also been taught that ordinary people come with the preconceived notion that any attempt at haggling over your ‘pre-determined’ rates, is bound to fail, but if they still endeavor to do so, a lot of shouting must ensue. At a lower level in the fraternity, most of your day is spent at the base trying to ward off ordinary people and chewing paan. Once you move on to a higher ranking, you’re allowed to cruise more often in your designated area, occasionally stopping to say no to any ordinary people that attempt to flag you down. The members of the highest rank of AA are never seen on the streets because they are too busy upholding the principles of this esteemed institution. You will find them in organized meetings preparing to go on strike or discussing various ways in which to improve life for the members of AA out in the big bad world. These methods generally lead to an increase in the auto rates in accordance with the minimum meter wage becoming higher. This doesn’t really make a difference because the ordinary people will never understand that meters aren’t meant to be used so hence, this results in more meetings and strikes. As you know, the top members of AA are always busy. It is certainly very uplifting and extremely satisfying to be a member of AA but as you can tell, extremely difficult to get in.
We, at AA, wish you all the best and hope that you aim when you spit!


Dream a little dream of me and lock it deep in the recesses of your memory. Never let me fade into oblivion, lest you forget the sweet taste of ecstasy.